New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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