ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
