why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
