I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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