worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
