So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
