i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
