You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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