Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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