he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
