apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
