My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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