Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
