He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
