It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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