gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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