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Apparently you make a good broom.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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