she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just found puke in my bra..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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