lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I could make wine with my vomit
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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