Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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