I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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