I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
