Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
