At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We talked him into tasing himself.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
