There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
