Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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