could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
