I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
