She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
