now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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