You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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