please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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