its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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