This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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