I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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