i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
