I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
