Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
