"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
