If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The best revenge is premature balding
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
