Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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