come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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