sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
