hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
