Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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