i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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