just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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