He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The adults are the big ones right?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
