Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
