Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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