I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
