just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
