Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
