Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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