so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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